I feel like I have never loved by anyone in the truest form. The kind of love which knows no origin or which have no boundaries. The kind of love which leaves its taste in your mouth for as long as you live. The kind of love which you want when your mind starts to give up and heart beats start to raise. The kind of love which makes you ‘you’. The raw form. The kind of love which grips you, holds you, makes you uncomfortable as you have never been familiar to this dimension, and then you wait as maybe one day, they would leave when certain time period would over. As you have never loved by anyone for this long. So, you just wait. But, they never leave you. They hold you. This kind of love.
To be loved by anyone or even our loved ones is a privilege to have. Yes, as it is written nowhere that for being in a relationship of any kind, which you choose or which you are tied to or which you are born to, love is important. It is written nowhere that love is necessary when you live with someone. So, people just survive without love. And, without love, we are just bones and blood.
We don’t know, but we need love more than we think we could. We need love to survive on those days when we think we can’t. We need love to wake us up on those mornings when our body denies to and soul hides somewhere. We need love to laugh at our silly jokes and to silently drink the tea from teacups while making that srrrrr sound. We need love when we come home from school and peep through the windows into the rooms of those who gave birth to us. We need love to comfort us, to buck us up, to adore us, to hold us and to never leave us.
But, in the end (if there is any) because sometimes I feel this is a big vicious circle of wanting to be loved and then to be left at altar. In the end, we just go to our room, with heavy heart, cover ourselves with the blanket and then think about the love we want. It sucks though, it sucks to have so much love growing inside your heart but none of it, you could use none of it to water your roots. You could use none of it for yourself. No tragedy can be bigger than to sit and wait for love when all the time, love was present within yourself.