Don’t insult yourself. It seems like you’re looking to make them feel bad for you. it also makes it look like you’re playing victim. (ex: “i’m a shitty person.” “i should just die.” “i’m just stupid“)
say, for example, “i feel like you dislike me” instead of “you dislike me.” you don‘t actually know how they feel and being accusatory like that is a huge turn off.
when apologizing, make it genuine. don’t bring up how you feel and instead apologize for how you made the other person feel. how you feel can be brought up later.
remind people that you genuinely want to get better and tell them to call you out when you exhibit problematic behavior.
it’s perfectly okay to be angry that your trauma left you with these symptoms, but that doesn’t make it okay to continue problematic behavior and make no effort to fix it. you can do it with some effort. i believe in you.